I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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