i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
