Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize