those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
