it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
