Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
