M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
