don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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