i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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