idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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