i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
