Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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