My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
