She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
