Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
