My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
