my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
