tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
