Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
