My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize