I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
