I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pants are for mortals
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
