i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
