I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
