why didn't you poke me back
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
