there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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