I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
