apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
