When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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