There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
