i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
