I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize