Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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