i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
