if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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