He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you never un-have a 4some
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
