My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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