I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
