Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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