i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently you make a good broom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
