That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can text with my tongue
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
