That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
