Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
