I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
