So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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