Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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