Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
