It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
