grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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