The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
