His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
