Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
