the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you would pick up someone in the library
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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