Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk is not a location!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize