Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
