the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
