So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
