whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
