He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
