Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
