i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
