i just made my gag reflex go away.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
