this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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