Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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