I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
