i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
