your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
