He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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