yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
