HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
