I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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