Did you just see the Batmobile???
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
