Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
