This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
