she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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