Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
