Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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