Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
third nipple confirmed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
