Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
