You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
