I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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