If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize